I cleaned my home today. I know this doesn’t seem like something which anyone should want to declare but for me, today, it is a metaphor for what’s going on internally. For years, these past two years especially I have been shedding aspects of my life which did not serve me in a positive way. Some of this shedding had to do with toxic relationships both romantic and platonic, these were painful but very necessary in order to realize I have not been living my life. I have been living the life other people wanted me to live. I had made myself small, quiet, obedient. To my amazement, this is not always what other people would see. They would see a person with a lot of light and love inside her that is passionate about creating and expressing herself; it’s these people that are my tribe, they are encouraging and nurturing. When I told them I’m taking a year off to write and figure things out, they were both scared and excited for me. Which is how I feel most of the time, lately more excited and whole then scared, well actually who am I kidding I’m terrified most days but it doesn’t last long. I’m more than halfway through my year of discovery and I finally feel like the windows and doors have swung open for me not just creatively but on a very deep level. So this afternoon after my coffee and writing session I came home with the intention of napping but noticed dust bunnies and dusty base boards, I suddenly remembered I should dust under my couch. I took out the vacuum, moved around furniture, remade my bed and then all of a sudden I felt this energy around me I’ve been waiting for – openness. Starting a business, following your gut, having the ability to be creative everyday is truly a gift to yourself. There is self-love in it or at least I think there is. I want to try this new way of living my life and it is through experiencing rather than judging.
My question to you on this glorious September day is how do you make space to be open, to create? To allow yourself to step through whatever judgment your ego brings and to be your sweaty and salty you?